Please Give us a Goal

The Most Boring Season Ever (Probably)

The 1980/81 season was almost certainly the most boring season ever for Newcastle. There have certainly been worse seasons, when the team was relegated from the first division or nearly relegated to the third. But for all round tediousness the first season of the eighties cannot be beaten

The club - under the stewardship of Bill McGarry - was spending their 3rd consecutive season in Division 2. So exciting was the football that season that the average crowd of 17,350 was the lowest since the 1901-02 season; a time before football had really caught on in the Toon

What makes it worse in some ways is that the 1980/81 season simply carried on from where the previous season had left off. On the 19th January 1980 Newcastle beat Orient at home 2-0 and restored their lead at the top of the table. Manager McGarry had invested heavily on a number of players and it looked as though his spending might have been bearing fruit.

However from then on until the end of the season United's record was W-1, D-7, L-8; scoring 12 and conceding 21. It included one spell of 7 games where only one goal was scored; an Alan Shoulder penalty. Not surprisingly, Newcastle had slumped to 9th by the end of the season.

So (un)striking was United's aptitude that despite the fact that only 35 goals were needed to reach the milestone of 5000 League Goals, the target was not met until 1981/82.

Couldn't score in Tiffanies

In their 42 league games Newcastle managed a pathetic 30 goals; an average of 0.71 goals a game, the worst average ever recorded by the team. Due to the fact that we only conceded 45 goals the average goal per game of 1.79 is also the lowest average in the club's history.

In the League the team failed to score in 23 out of their 42 games, scored 1 in 10 games, 2 in 7 games and 3 in 2 games. They also failed to score in 2 of their 6 cup games.

Fans who attended all matches had to sit through no less than 11 goalless draws, 5 "0-1" defeats, and 4 "0-2" defeats. In League games at SJP there were 35 goals; 22 for Newcastle and 13 for the opposition.

But it was those fans that followed United away that suffered most. Newcastle scored only 8 goals and 5 of them were scored in only 2 matches. They failed to score in 16 of their 21 games and did not score a single goal in their last 7 games. In fact from December onwards (a total of 11 games) only one goal was scored away from home

Newcastle's goals in 1980/81 were scored (cup goals in brackets) by the following players; Shinton 7(0), Shoulder 4(2), Rafferty 2(2), Harford 4(0), Hibbitt 3(0), Waddle 1(2), Clarke 2(1), Martin 1(1) and the following who all contributed 1 league goal : Koenan, Boam, Halliday, Walker, Trewick and an unknown Cambridge player.

Firing Blanks

It is probably fair to say that Newcastle had one of their worst collection of strikers during that season, here are the "shamed"

Bye Bye Bill Mugarry

United made a disastrous start to the season; losing 0-2 at Sheff Wed and 0-4 at Bolton and scrambling a 1-1 home draw with Notts County with an equaliser in the last 20 minutes. That start combined with a pathetic performance against Bury in the League Cup cost McGarry his job. Former manager Joe Harvey was put in temporary charge and seemed to inspire a mini-revival, United collecting full points from home games against Luton and Cardiff.

Arthur Cox arrived from Chesterfield as the permanent manager and inspired Newcastle's first win on foreign soil in 9 months (away at QPR). United had climbed into 8th and optimism was rising

A crowd of 19,786 turned up for Cox's first game in charge at SJP against Oldham. Despite the fantastic encouragement from the crowd, the game ended goalless - a portent of things to come. The next 2 games also ended goalless

October proved to be a mixed month with Cox blooding youngsters Waddle, Withe and Halliday, but ended with a calamitous 0-6 defeat at Stamford Bridge made worse by the presence of the MOD cameras

During November Newcastle's form remained inconsistent with 2 wins, 2 draws and 2 defeats. The goals were now starting to dry up - only 5 were scored, four of them came from Bobby Shinton.

There were four games in December (two draws and two defeats) and United failed to score in any of them. The home game against Bristol City saw the unveiling of the S&N sponsored electronic scoreboard. "I hope we can light it up with a few goals" said Arthur. It was the fifth 0-0 draw of the season (the third at SJP).

And a Turgid New Year

A New Year and another goalless draw at the Racecourse Ground Wrexham. Bobby Shinton returned to his old hunting ground and missed three excellent chances. . Two victories followed, the first (away at Luton) bringing Newcastle's first league goal in 491 minutes of league football. However this was to be the last away goal to be scored that season.

February started well enough with a 1-0 home win over QPR but degenerated quickly with the FA Cup exit at Exeter being followed by two 0-0 draws and a 0-1 defeat. The 0-0 draw in the was described in the Express as "turgid" and went on to describe how "Newcastle's amazingly loyal fans had to wait 80 minutes for the first on-target shot and even that only "looked accurate" before it was blocked by an Oldham defender (The Daily Express Entertainment score for the game was: Oldham 2 NUFC 1)

Things improved slightly in March, at least at home where United chalked up 2 victories against Preston and Chelsea. The 2-0 win against Preston being the first time they had won a match by more than one goal. Away from home they lost 0-1 twice.

Normal service resumed in April with one win, 3 draws and 2 defeats and only 3 goals scored (one of them an own goal). Cox also revealed that his players summer break was to be severely curtailed with the players being ordered to report for training twice a week to practice their ball skills although they would be allowed 5 weeks off in total. For the home win against Cambridge the crowd slumped to it's lowest level of the season; 11,013.

The final match was played in front of 11,639 spectators at SJP and they were treated to a veritable goal feast, United running out 3-1 winners against Orient. In the first game of the following season 19,244 spectators turned up for the home game against Watford, United lost 0-1!

And now it's Dead

League Cup

In the two-legged second round United were paired against 4th Division Bury who were managed by ex-Newcastle stalwart Jim Iley. In front of a paltry crowd of 9,069 United - who were taunted by the home crowd - struggled to overcome the Lancashire outfit, eventually running out 3-2 winners.

Iley offered a damning appraisal of the team: "Newcastle's standards have slipped so badly in the last few years.... this place used to be alive and now it's dead". It proved to be Bill McGarry's last game in charge.

The second leg at Gigg Lane was played while Joe Harvey was in temporary charge. Bury scored the only goal of the game after half an hour; Newcastle failing to score even with 30 minutes extra time being available. As a result United went out on the "away goals" rule.

FA

Jackie Charlton's Sheffield Wednesday provided the opposition at SJP in the third round of the FA Cup. Waddle was the star of the show with 2 goals. As usual Charlton was gracious in defeat "luck b******s, they'll never get away with that again".

The 4th round saw United drawn at home against Luton. A relatively young side put in a spirited performance which saw them run out 2-1 winners. Luton manager was full of praise for the "passion" of the United players and the fervour of the Toon Army.

United were rewarded with another home draw against 3rd Division Exeter City who arrived at SJP on the back of a 0-5 hammering at Portsmouth. Exeter put up a spirited performance and held united to a draw forcing a replay at the other St James' in a match covered on Sportsnight

Once again the side put on a disastrous performance in front of the cameras. Exeter slaughtered them in the first half and were 3-0 up at the interval, the first goal coming direct from a corner. Newcastle improved slightly in the second half an "managed" not to concede any more goals until 3 minutes from time when Exeter got their fourth

Cox talks ...

On his arrival

I want to see fans queuing around SJP again - and they will be"

After the 0-0 draw at Bristol Rovers

While there was little to excite anyone, it was an honest genuine game"

After Chris Waddle's debut

He was competent..but I'm sure he is capable of far more"

On central defender Bruce Halliday - prior to his debut at Chelsea where United where thrashed 6-0

"If he has a weakness then so far I haven't spotted what it is"

After the 0-4 defeat at Swansea

"I don't think we played too badly"

After the 2-1 win against Luton in the FA Cup

describing the frantic defending towards the end "they were clearing the ball so high it was coming down with altitude poisoning on it""

A Music Hall Joke

Sheffield Wednesday A - August 1980

John Donoghue - (Daily Express) "We saw little of the determination which traditionally is supposed to be an automatic qualification for any man who pulls on those famous black and white stripes"

WHU H - October 1980

John Donoghue - (Daily Express) as United played out their third goalless draw in a row - "You need Terry Wogan to get laughs out of this sort of blankety-blank"

Shrewsbury H - October 1980

John Donoghue - (Daily Express) reporting on the match played on a dismal wet and foggy night - "the football was often as bleak as the weather"

Exeter A - February 1981-

David Miller (Daily Express) following Unites humiliating defeat - "Newcastle are little short of a music hall joke"

Oldham A - February 1981-

Oldham manager Jimmy Frizzel after a turgid 0-0 draw - "We didn't lose because they were so bad"

March 1981-

Fulham owner Ernie Clay (who was interested in taking over - "I would crawl all the way to the North east to take over the club"

Chairman Stan Seymour responding - "There is no way the current board will invite discussion with him"

Watford A - March 1981

(Daily Express) reporting on United's 10th goalless draw - "a boring affair from which the finer points were missing and entertainment of a low order"

Blackburn A - April 1981

(Daily Express) - "The Magpies were shot down with hardly a protesting squawk... a shoddy United quite unworthy of such a stimulating club tradition...Cox has a team of problems"

Bored to Tears

Only in three other seasons apart from 1980/81 has the average number of goals per game in Newcastle's league matches slipped below the 2.00 mark which brings Dalglish's achievements into perspective

Fruit and Veg - 1922/23

In contrast to 1980/81 this was one of United's better seasons as they finished fourth in the first division. The average goals per game was only 1.95 largely due to the excellent defensive record of conceding only 37 goals in 42 games.

This was the period of football prior to the change to the offside law. Newcastle's full backs McCracken and Hudspeth had perfected the art of stepping up at the last second to catch forwards offside. Not surprisingly this proved very unpopular with the opposing fans who would respond by throwing rotten fruit and vegetables. Many other teams copied United's approach, matches became littered with offside decisions and the number of goals scored slumped dramatically. As a result the offside law was changed for the 1924-25 season. From then on there only had to be 2 players between a player and the goal as opposed to 3.

Oldest Rearguard - 1919/20

This was the first season after the end of World War 1 Newcastle led the table in November 1919 and were in contention for the title. They defence was strong and experienced. Goalkeeper Lawrence was 34, fullbacks McCracken and Hudspeth were 37 and 30 respectively and centre halves Low was 36.

Unfortunately, the side also lacked fire power; top scorer Andy Smailes only managing 10 goals. Six goalless draws contributed towards the average of 1.98 goals a game. .

Dalglish Doldrums - 1997/98

For those who wonder how desperate that last full season with Kenny really was; here's the proof. An average of 2.08 goals a game making it the 4th most boring season in the club's history. The total of 35 goals scored made it one of only for seasons in which the club averaged less than a goal per game.