Kick-Off Football Weekly

"Kick- Off Football Weekly" appeared at the start of the 1975/76 season. Price wise it came in pretty low at 7p, but was the quality similarly based?

The front cover looks promising with it's full colour glossy picture; although for the first couple of months of it's life it the whole magazine was printed on cheap unglossy paper.

Slightly worrying is the fact that the main plug point is the fact that Boring Bob Wilson "writes for you". But let us not prejudge before we take a peek inside.

Now things are getting a bit worrying as controlling the magazine seems to be a rather effeminate looking bearded cartoon bloke with a cringe worthy pseudonym. I wonder what his "wondrous words" are.

Well there is usually some desperate self-praise revolving around "several readers" who have written in saying "our centre spread pictures make terrific posters" or that the new-look magazine is "just great".

There's also some helpful advice on how to make best use of the mag: "the colour pages are super and can easily be pulled out to make posters if you prefer". What a brilliant idea.

He often seems to be apologising for the fact that when jokes are sent in they are redrawn by their artist or that when they had a "Spot the Difference" competition "those two spots on the goalposts in the right hand picture weren't supposed to represent a change".

But most of all I have concerns about his amusing anecdotes; this one in particular worries me on a number of levels.

"On a lighter note I moved a table football game into our office last Monday so we could play during the lunch hours. Bob Wilson was so keen, he stayed after work until half-past seven! When his wife rang up to ask what had happened, I told her he was playing football. 'But he's retired ,' she said, confused. 'Well he's just saved a penalty I replied, but he'll be home after extra-time'. Poor old Bob certainly had some explaining to do that night, I can tell you"

Now we've been introduced let's look inside this 24 page (so thin they didn't even bother numbering the pages) opus.

Well as promised we have Bob Wilson's "Focus on Football" where he not only answers questions sent in by one of the dozens of readers but also plays the role of agony aunt.

Timothy Brent (aged 13 of Gateshead) wrote in asking for some guidance "I have a very quick temper and I am often in trouble with referees. Is there any remedy to help my problem?" Yes! Stop reading this bloody magazine!

There were pictures; of varying quality. Now there are two plausible explanations for this one.

Either the photo taker sneaked up while another was taking a shot because they could not afford to get a proper one.

Or, and this is the one we're prepared to go with, the photographer's direction to "look straight ahead Alan" confused the university educated Gowling.

Other regular features included some well worn standards.

There was "their day to remember" about a day to remember for a particular individual or team. One of the articles was about the day we lost to Hereford.

There were also some "fun" pictures when they "visited" various clubs at training; so we get Ray "Butch" Wilkins riding a Chopper (thankfully it's a bike and not his team mate Ron Harris, so called because, well you can work that one out for yourself).

There was also a "Star Strip" which appears to have been drawn by the legend that is Trevillion, although it is unsigned; perhaps he only did it on the condition that his name wasn't used so that he could not be associated with the other drawings.

Which brings us neatly on to what makes up the rest of this quality publication: the comic strips. The story lines suck and the dialogue is dire, but worst of all is the atrocious artwork

We have "The Cannonball Kid", about a "travelling sideshow" star who attracted the attentions of Melverne Wanderers.

"The Two faces of Tod Morgan" so called because he was generally a very cheery and popular fellow but every now and then without reason he would suddenly change into a ferocious beast (as a result of a motorcycle action apparently).

"Neptune Wanderers" is a "humorous story" all about the football playing antics on board an ocean liner.

"Ragbag Rovers" follows Peter Piper's attempts to form a local team and gain control of a pitch wanted by a nasty local capitalist.

And finally the piece de resistance is "Rangers Robot" who is a mechanical monstrosity invented by Professor Potty and called into service by Rowbottom Rangers (the worst team in the world). One assumes if the story was written now he would be playing at the Stadium of Light.

We are not sure how long the magazine lasted; not long would seem a fair bet.